One Step Back Again

Sunday, May 29, 2011

My Dirty Little Secret

The dirtiest secret I have right now is that at work on the phone, in order to go forward with the customer and on to the next one, I often say, "Let me get you there right away." Hit Transfer. Next call.

During a recent consultation with my employment supervisors, they let me know that the, "Right away," really isn't necessary. A creature of habit, I found that I was so used to saying it that I repeated it often by mistake yesterday and then accordingly, became disappointed in myself.

Okay. To my sisters Chrissy and Terry - stop worrying about me! If that's my dirty little secret, I can't be doing that bad?!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Do you believe in magic? Remember?

If you believe in magic don't bother to choose
If it's jug band music or rhythm and blues
Just go and listen it'll start with a smile
It won't wipe off your face no matter how hard you try
Your feet start tapping and you can't seem to find
How you got there, so just blow your mind

If you believe in magic, come along with me
We'll dance until morning 'til there's just you and me
And maybe, if the music is right
I'll meet you tomorrow, sort of late at night
And we'll go dancing, baby, then you'll see
How the magic's in the music and the music's in me

The Lovin' Spoonful

Friday, May 27, 2011

Excerpt - my first Literary Journal Publication (i found out yesterday, yes!)

Lending to my frustration of wanting to be a left alone naughty bad girl, my eldest sister Terry was our large high school Homecoming Queen. Like a healthy horse, when Terry smiles she glimmers her pink upper gums. Terry will continue to agree with an individual, nodding her head, with that unique smile the devil couldn’t refuse, and she listens. Terry is likely thinking, “Let me mesmerize you and after I get a handle on whatever it is; I will take control.”

Most emails and calls I get from Terry begin with, “What’s wrong with you?” I’m in my mid 40’s and for 40 mid years, nothing’s changed. The exception being the time I got involved a motorcycle style injury and was forced to learn body movement on my left and then right side combined, plus, my left brain stem was injured. Okay, yes, then, I gave them something to worry about and yes, there was something really wrong with me. But it’s been over twenty years and I’ve only been on a motorcycle, like, three times since.

Suspicion takes over if Terry contacts me and asks something innocuous. Doesn’t she know that I know her motive is to trip me, to accuse me of a lie, that may have happened, or not, fourteen weeks ago? The only lies I tell are to get her off my back.

“Sheila,” Terry says, “have you had sufficient vitamins in your food today?”

“Uh. Yeah.” I answer.

Meanwhile, I am still alive, with a job, and my sister Terry always makes me feel guilty enough that I should turn myself in to the police, daily.

“What have we got here?” The police officer looks up from behind his desk. “Can I help you?”

“See,” I pause, uncertain on how to proceed, “Okay,” I sigh, “My sister Terry thinks there’s something terribly wrong with me. Although! I haven’t touched alcohol, yuck, in years. But.” I pause and fear the police officer’s disappointment, “I do smoke weed sometimes.”

The police officer stands, “Lady, would you like a seat, some water?”

Being a Cull automatically turns any path that I take, into devious.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


It's not even warm enough to sleep outside yet! I worked on a manuscript for several hours, got up and pulled the shades back, saw two butt naked men walk on the roof of the mid size building in front of me, sat back down and kept writing. No kidding, they were naked. I don't know where they came from or where they were going or what they were doing. I continued typing.

Now I have to put my "business" work hat on and "go" to work. It's rainy and windy. Yes, it's nice I don't have to go outside.

But now I'm wondering. Where did those guys go? Maybe it was a dare or a bet?

Monday, May 23, 2011

Essay Excerpt! For You! From me!

I’m surprised that more people don’t have double vision. I’m surprised because it seems like an easy mistake. “It’s okay.” The kingdom said to his followers, “If their eyes are off only by a fraction of a centimeter, go on and pass those babies through, they’ll be fine. Next baby.”

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Purple Hearts

The purple hearts are dedicated to my Uncle Jackie and my GL.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Are you demure? Can you teach me?

#1: Demure

not attracting or demanding a lot of attention; not showy or flashy; quiet and polite

Words It Might Replace:
modest; unassuming; shy; coy

"As William and Kate sang prayers from the specially designed hymn sheets, the two sisters looked on unassumingly. But despite their demure appearance, rumours even began to surface today that one of the women was a secret 'ninja nun' intended to protect the Royal couple by pouncing on any intruders." – Daily Mail, May 1, 2011

Friday, May 20, 2011

Two paragraphs from my growing collection of essays!

“What’s new?” Somebody always asked. This question involved a vague yet honest answer. Therefore, my duty to respond should have been, “What’s new for me? See, after the accident that smashed my left brain stem, I had to re grow and learn, differently from, although, quite similar to a baby’s second chance at a lifetime. So everything’s new!”

I have brain damage. It took awhile to admit. At least I didn’t sink into my physical and mental paralysis. Rather, I worked like an Olympic Gold Medal contender to establish that I was, as capable as your average gal. Albeit, the girls I came across didn’t have a vehicle incident that led to crazily uncoordinated body movements and a nonsensical form of speech. For example, the 50 percent right portion carried the 50 percent left portion, out of 100 percent whole, of my physical body. Needless to say, this development took a couple of decades and resulted in limping, stuttered bodily gestures, and included a type of walk that I intentionally fashioned as dramatic.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Excerpt Essay on Colossal Family at Dinner (from my full collection!)

At the head of the table, fingers interlaced, head bowed, he began, “Thank you dear god for the food we are about to receive,” then his beaming noggin shot up, hands spread, and he cheered to his wife and nine children, “dig in!” My father, with a complete working red, green and yellow stop light in our driveway was only serious minded when it came to dedication and family. Which pretty much excludes a lot, like, he was a huge Cub’s fan, forced to be serious minded about any game he anxiously carved out time, of a freakily responsible schedule, to watch, in his chair, in front of his television. His legs were always crossed and you’d see him grin from time to time, but during a Cub’s home game? No laughter.

Here’s another example of when it was perhaps okay, he did always laugh out loud, up until his lifetime final six months – watching re run after re run of the sitcom M*A*S*H*. His brother, my uncle Jackie, got two purple hearts in that useless war. Based on a book by Hooker in 1968, the MASH series went from 1972 to 1983. My intuition feels those were father’s most joyful years.

So the family is leaning forward, stabbing their forks into a vat, trying to get the last of my mom’s homemade stuffed cabbage rolls, when my unusually popular sister Chrissy (maybe because she talks so fast and thinks she knows everything before you do, or better than you do?) pipes up, “In school we learn why I’m a twin and there are more twins we have, right mom?”

“Yes, young lady. Continue, what more?”

Chrissy pointed her bright orange head of hair at one head of the dinner table, “Daddy,” then to the opposite table head, “Mommy,”

My mom stood, pushed in her chair, “Enough, dinner is over, clean up now girls.” Proudly, my mom was a feminist, when it was a good time to be one.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

An Orb, yes, as in Sphere!

I was gone yesterday, miss me? I missed you.

For this year's Printers Row Book Fair, George Levy's monumental discovery of Camp Douglas, accordingly, will have a booth. George Levy's discovery of Camp Douglas, he did -alone. In the Washington national archives, for three years and this is what happens - his nose and eyes stick, to billions of pages in books and newspapers and any other place that important information can be documented on. His nose even got to see previously untouched archived material, that he uses often in To Die in Chicago!

If you see him, what appears to be a head is actually a heavy orb with stellar education stuffed in. It's not normal. Now, the head that will be behind his To Die in Chicago (best selling Civil War book ever)Printer's Row Book fair, booth, has a light one, likely with foam in it, yes, me! Because Levy's nose has appointments in the archives doing whatever a scholar does in a room full of uber meaningful words.

People that know my brother John, also know about John's orb.

Much more to come on this book fair and Chicago history!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Excerpt/my sister Terry

I sat at my desk and focused all my energy into not crying. This makes me cry harder. For example, I know my oldest sister Terry has cried at work. Terry wouldn’t volunteer this and I wouldn’t dare ask her, because of the inevitable lesson involved, “Well Sheila, are you asking if Terry Jean lets her emotions temporarily get the best of her? Yes. And this is important for you to know right now, are you listening? You find an appropriate time, and you must always have Kleenex available, office toilet paper sticks inside your nose, okay, at the appropriate time, you make your way to the ladies room, you lock your stall, and silently, Sob. Into. The Kleenex.” No doubt this is exactly what she does (and exactly what I should do according to her). I’ve seen her cry, but the great news is, she weeps real tears for a solid minute and then she recovers, not only completely, but gracefully. The quick transformation, recovery, is not an ostensible gesture because it’s real, like magic. And that’s Terry. Terry. Is. In. control. Of everything, all of the time.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Hey, posting! Hey, smelling him while reading it!

Blogger was down for several days in a row. Has this happened to anyone else? Day off, so, today, lots more reading than writing. I feel like I'm cheating, laugh out loud.

Reading, wherever you are is good but where is my man? I want to hold open a book with one hand, make circles on his tummy with the other, smell him and then read - all at the same time. Maybe I'll see him Tuesday. Yeah, Tuesday! Yeah for today too!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

short essay excerpt...

If you saw a girl doing a Tree pose or a Downward Facing Dog as she waited for a bus or cab, in Chicago, during the 90’s or 2000’s, that was me. I worked to maintain my balance at any cost, even if it meant a little public embarrassment.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Current Essay Research Led to This on, Chicago Palmer House (wow!)

1673 Discovery of Chicago.
1850 Steam and hydraulic elevators are introduced.
1861 The Civil War begins.
1871 Opening of the original Palmer House Hotel and the Great Chicago Fire.
1872 Palmer builds a second Palmer House across the street from the original site.
1876 Bell invents the phone.
1879 Edison exhibits his light bulb; Twain entertains at a banquet for Grant at the Palmer House.
1882 Edison develops and installs the world's first large central electric power station.
1885 Chicago's first skyscraper is completed.
1900 The flow of Chicago River is reversed.
1903 The Wright Brothers introduce the first gas-motored and manned airplane.
1914 World War I begins.
1925 The Palmer House is torn down and rebuilt on the same site.
1929 Stock market crashes.
1930 The Great Depression begins.
1933 World's Fair in Chicago; Palmer House opens the “Gas Light Club”
1935 Residential circuit breaker panels are introduced.
1941 The United States enters World War II.
1942 Commercial TV is first broadcast.
1945 Hilton buys the Palmer House for $20 million.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Wikipedia on Esther Hicks (...also final thing on Esther Hicks!)

Biography: Esther Hicks was born 1948 in Coalville, Utah. In 1980, she married her current husband, a successful Amway distributor, Jerry Hicks

Outline of Abraham–Hicks' teachings - Esther Hicks says that non-physical entities called Abraham speak through her, and that her teachings (referred to as Abraham–Hicks teachings) are based on this experience. The basic tenets of the teachings include that we create our own reality through our thoughts, that our emotions are constantly guiding us toward where we want to go, and that life is supposed to be fun. The essence of Abraham–Hicks' teachings since 1986 has been presented as follows:

You are a physical extension of that which is non-physical.
You are here in this body because you chose to be here.
The basis of your life is freedom; the purpose of your life is joy.
You are a creator; you create with your every thought.
Anything that you can imagine is yours to be or do or have.
You are choosing your creations as you are choosing your thoughts.
Your emotions are your most powerful indicator of what you are creating in any moment.
The Universe adores you, for it knows your broadest intentions.
Relax into your natural well-being. All is well.
Life is not meant to be a struggle, but a process of allowing.
You are a creator of thoughtways on your unique path of joy.
Actions to be taken and money to be exchanged are by-products of your focus on joy.
You may appropriately depart your body without illness or pain.
You cannot die; you are everlasting life.
A large part of their work centers around the Law of Attraction, a concept written about in the early 1900s by William Walker Atkinson (1862–1932) in many of his books, including Thought Vibration or the Law of Attraction in the Thought World (1906).[3][5]

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Boze, Anonymous, The Secret. OMG, YES!

Both of you created a miracle.

Regarding my post several days ago, Boze informed me that Esther (Abraham) Hicks is in Wikipedia, and why. And Anonymous shared this:

"Abraham isn't an actual person, it's the name that the spiritualist and motivational speaker Esther Hicks gave to some sort of ancient spirit or deity she claims to have channeled or been guided by. There's a wiki page for Esther Hicks that lays it all out."

I'm so lucky because I simply love/live that specific ideology and, this is where it comes full circle - The Secret is one of the books I keep bedside. It contains heart filling messages in it from a myriad of world leaders that deliver, basically, the same message. The miracle - Hicks is in The Secret.

"The Secret is powerful because it's true." Sheila said and shrugged her shoulders.

Do you believe in "The Secret"?

Saturday, May 7, 2011

No Wiki for Hick(s)i

There wasn't even a Wikipedia page for Abraham Hicks. And from research on the internet, he appears to be some type of spiritual leader. Anyway, great quote I posted yesterday, thank you Mr. Abraham Hicks and rock on.

Do you rely on Wikipedia for answers too?

Friday, May 6, 2011

Guilty of seeing only what I want, therefore...

love the below quote:

"Today, no matter what I am doing, no matter who I am doing it with, my intention will be to see the things that I want to see." - Abraham Hicks

Why not, eh?

For my next post, we'll discover who Abraham Hicks is. As it is, I have no idea. Do you know anything about Abraham Hicks?