Wednesday

Acting on Impulse


People that lack self control and are at the mercy of an impulse are judged as being inferior.  This judgment of course is reasonable.  During my recovery, especially at first, I certainly experienced this seemingly moral deficiency.  What I remember about this lack of self control was the reaction of other people. 

About three years after coma-awakening, after re learning to walk on my own, one of my sisters drove and accompanied me to the suburban train station to catch the next one heading to downtown Chicago.  While we waited to board I felt very excited and charged up.  I didn’t understand why the enthusiasm I felt wasn’t shared, so, I howled – loudly.  Everyone on the platform looked at me, some with disdain.  My sister was embarrassed, who wouldn’t be?  

I thought about being excited and screamed, that’s it.  At that point, obviously, I didn’t think about consequences or know what they were.  It was an impulse, a neurological reaction that I couldn’t control.

I don’t remember if I felt remorseful about interrupting everybody on the train platform that morning with a random shout out.  I hope I felt bad and if I did, that would’ve been the extent of what could’ve been done to remedy their unexpected interruption. 

People shouldn’t do things like that; I don’t advocate impulsive behavior.  But it may be helpful to remember that sometimes other people really can’t control their own behavior.  This idea becomes complicated because where do you draw a line of responsibility?  Who do you grant forgivness to and who shouldn’t receive it?  However, any idea is a good idea because it leads to something new.